#27 Zack And Miri Make A Porno: Shitfaced

Director: Kevin Smith
Genre: Comedy
Key Players: Jason Mewes, Katie Morgan, Jeff Anderson

Following the shitty footsteps of Black Book, here's some more. In Kevin Smith's mildly fun gross-out comedy Zack And Miri Make A Porno, best friends Zack And Miri (Seth Rogen & Elizabeth Banks) decides to make a porno in order to pay rent. A pretty cheap setup for nasty jokes about cum, dicks and vagina's, even for a man like Smith, who's made a name for himself as a smart and witty man while making crude jokes about sex. But I guess extreme situations demand extreme solutions. In Clerks II they put on a donkey show inside of a fast food restaurant. So how do you top that? Here's how! While shooting a scene for their movie, leading fuck-man Jason Mewes, well, to put it as simple as possible, pulls out of "backed up" Katie Morgan perhaps a little too fast ("Anal's great when you're constipated" she enthuses, but don't worry, you don't actually see anything, it's not real porn you see). Cue close-up of poor cameraman Jeff Anderson, lying on his back, taking it all in from down under (a very important angle I might add), when it all backfires and he's hit by a cascade of stark brown poo on his face (you can even spot pieces of corn in there). It's gross as well as funny. Avoid chocolate pudding while watching.

Splash!

#12 Boogie Nights: The dong show

Director: Paul Thomas Anderson
Genre: Drama

Key Players: Marky Mark

Paul Thomas Anderson first rose to fame in the late 90's with his grand tale of a well-hung youngster that embarks on this amazing, spiritual journey, chasing the American dream...by screwing in-front of the camera.

Loosely based on the tragic existence of real porn legend John Holmes, Boogie Nights is a pretty dark piece filled with intense human drama, but also, hope and actually some funny moments, in a bizarre weird way. And best of all, there's porn. But, not porn porn. But porn, seen through the eyes of an extremely accomplished filmmaker (perhaps the best of his time?). As well as Holmes, Wahlberg's Dirk Diggler is sporting a giant trunk in his trousers, and although it is a fake in this case, it is shown in all it's glory for a brief moment at the end, and it all makes sense.

#9 The People Vs Larry Flynt: The speech

Director: Milos Forman
Genre: Drama

Key Players: Edward Norton, the supreme court

It doesn't matter if it's Tom Cruise's Lt. Daniel Kaffee, Denzel Washington's regular Joe or Matlock himself, everybody loves a good speech. In Milo Forman's Oscar nominated tale The People vs. Larry Flynt, we follow Larry Flynt (a brilliant Woody Harrelson), creator and publisher of porno-mag Hustler Magazine, his drugged up love interest (a drugged up Courtney Love) and his young attorney and their many run-ins with the law and the Christian lunatics that run the US of A.

Like in all good courtroom dramas you need a grand speech. Cue Edward Norton's idealistic attorney at law, standing up for, not necessarily Flynt's agenda of peddling hairy beavers to the people, but for our right to choose and decide for ourselves, whether we want to buy it or not, and not just do as we are told by some self appointed morality police, in this case, the smug god-fearing fundamentalists on the right. When censorship and freedom of speech are being tampered with by religious retards, we need someone to stick it to them, a figure to rally behind. If that person's a questionable libertarian hero/crazy smut-uncle in a wheelchair, so be it. Nontheless, we need that speech.