Director: Clark Gregg
Key Players: Sam Rockwell (great), Heather Burns
Sam Rockwell portrays Victor Mancini, a medicine drop-out and sex addict who pretends to choke on food in restaurants to earn money on people's sympathies. But when faced with boredom of regular copulation, he goes further and beyond. He sets up a meeting with a woman he found on the Internet (where else?) who gets off on "simulated rape" and some of the rougher stuff. Even though rape is not a funny thing to joke about, this particular meeting does set up a good premise for absurd comedy. "Whatever you do, do not rape me on the bedspread is silk, it will spot, so rape me on the floor. But not on the floor itself, on a towel on the floor, but on the wood part, not the rug". When said "raping" (it's pretty awkward) does begin and things turns even weirder, frustration builds when he manage to break all the above rules concerning floors, bedspreads and so forth, "Why don't you shut up, and let me rape you my way?!" he exclaims. The whole ordeal climaxes with them taking care of their own business: she's on the floor with an electrical buzzing contraption. He the old-fashioned way. On her bed. Not on the towel, as instructed. It's a pretty bizarre moment as well as the only funny one. Disappointing.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
#28 Being John Malkovich: Total Malkovich
Director: Spike Jonze
Key Players: John Malkovich, John Malkovich, John Malkovich
Being John Malkovich is a meeting of sheer genius and pure lunacy (would you expect anything else from the creative madman who came up with Adaptation and The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?). The story: John Cusack finds a hidden door into the mind/head of actor John Malkovich. Literally. Despite the weird premise you are overtaken by it's ideas, charm and excellent acting from Cusack, wife Cameron Diaz and off course John Malkovich. But when Malkovich enters Malkovich, it just goes off the charts bonkers. Everywhere he looks, there's Malkovich. Speaking nothing else than Malkovich (unable to really). A lady (whom he is dining with), businessmen, married couples, all being Malkovich. It's a bonkers movie but it's insanely good and a definite must see.
Key Players: John Malkovich, John Malkovich, John Malkovich
Being John Malkovich is a meeting of sheer genius and pure lunacy (would you expect anything else from the creative madman who came up with Adaptation and The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?). The story: John Cusack finds a hidden door into the mind/head of actor John Malkovich. Literally. Despite the weird premise you are overtaken by it's ideas, charm and excellent acting from Cusack, wife Cameron Diaz and off course John Malkovich. But when Malkovich enters Malkovich, it just goes off the charts bonkers. Everywhere he looks, there's Malkovich. Speaking nothing else than Malkovich (unable to really). A lady (whom he is dining with), businessmen, married couples, all being Malkovich. It's a bonkers movie but it's insanely good and a definite must see.
#27 Zack And Miri Make A Porno: Shitfaced
Director: Kevin Smith
Key Players: Jason Mewes, Katie Morgan, Jeff Anderson
Following the shitty footsteps of Black Book, here's some more. In Kevin Smith's mildly fun gross-out comedy Zack And Miri Make A Porno, best friends Zack And Miri (Seth Rogen & Elizabeth Banks) decides to make a porno in order to pay rent. A pretty cheap setup for nasty jokes about cum, dicks and vagina's, even for a man like Smith, who's made a name for himself as a smart and witty man while making crude jokes about sex. But I guess extreme situations demand extreme solutions. In Clerks II they put on a donkey show inside of a fast food restaurant. So how do you top that? Here's how! While shooting a scene for their movie, leading fuck-man Jason Mewes, well, to put it as simple as possible, pulls out of "backed up" Katie Morgan perhaps a little too fast ("Anal's great when you're constipated" she enthuses, but don't worry, you don't actually see anything, it's not real porn you see). Cue close-up of poor cameraman Jeff Anderson, lying on his back, taking it all in from down under (a very important angle I might add), when it all backfires and he's hit by a cascade of stark brown poo on his face (you can even spot pieces of corn in there). It's gross as well as funny. Avoid chocolate pudding while watching.
Splash!
Key Players: Jason Mewes, Katie Morgan, Jeff Anderson
Following the shitty footsteps of Black Book, here's some more. In Kevin Smith's mildly fun gross-out comedy Zack And Miri Make A Porno, best friends Zack And Miri (Seth Rogen & Elizabeth Banks) decides to make a porno in order to pay rent. A pretty cheap setup for nasty jokes about cum, dicks and vagina's, even for a man like Smith, who's made a name for himself as a smart and witty man while making crude jokes about sex. But I guess extreme situations demand extreme solutions. In Clerks II they put on a donkey show inside of a fast food restaurant. So how do you top that? Here's how! While shooting a scene for their movie, leading fuck-man Jason Mewes, well, to put it as simple as possible, pulls out of "backed up" Katie Morgan perhaps a little too fast ("Anal's great when you're constipated" she enthuses, but don't worry, you don't actually see anything, it's not real porn you see). Cue close-up of poor cameraman Jeff Anderson, lying on his back, taking it all in from down under (a very important angle I might add), when it all backfires and he's hit by a cascade of stark brown poo on his face (you can even spot pieces of corn in there). It's gross as well as funny. Avoid chocolate pudding while watching.
Splash!#26 Zwartboek (Black Book) - Lots and lots of shit
Director: Paul VerhoevenKey Players: Carice Van Houten
The is the third (and hopefully final) mention of something that has Paul Verhoeven's named attached to it's title (previous posts include Starship Troopers and Basic Instinct). In Black Book, Paul, as I like to call him, returns to his roots, with his dutch World War II spy-thriller, re-living some memories (and some made up) as a youngster growing up in occupied Holland. Or Dutchland if you're picky. And as with most of Paul's work, you'll find not so subtle undertones of eroticism and sex and Black Book is no exception. But unlike the glossy sweaty sex between Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas, Paul uses it almost as a reverse effect, keeping it nasty and clinical. Almost business like. Because that's what it is; an undercover operation that makes the heroine go through all possible ordeals. And with pretty devastating results. The most shocking (and sigusting): when put in jail for empathizing with the enemy, she's stripped to her bones and then gets an entire dumpster filled with crap (and I mean crap in the true meaning of the word: shit, poo, ass cream) released on top of her. It's gross, humiliating and pure nasty. Black Book shines on occasion, but is really just a watered down mix between Inglorious Basterds and Lust, Caution. Make up your own mind.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
#25 High Fidelity: Put violence on shuffle
Director: Stephen Frears
Key Players: John Cusack, Tim Robbins, Jack Black, Todd Louiso
Facing his ex-girlfriend's new lover, John Cusack's mild mannered music geek Rob Gordon, finally loses it, thinking up a plethora of ways to hurt this man (Tim Robbins) standing before him. It's well executed and quite unexpected and proves that unprovoked violence sure is fun!
Key Players: John Cusack, Tim Robbins, Jack Black, Todd Louiso
Facing his ex-girlfriend's new lover, John Cusack's mild mannered music geek Rob Gordon, finally loses it, thinking up a plethora of ways to hurt this man (Tim Robbins) standing before him. It's well executed and quite unexpected and proves that unprovoked violence sure is fun!
#24 The Exorcist: Alonetime with Jesus
Director: William Friedkin
Key Players: Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn
Much like Kubrick's The Shining, The Exorcist is a slow creeping unsettling affair dealing with possessed people doing weird shit. In The Exorcist we follow young girl Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair) and her mother (Ellen Burstyn), when the daughter, by serendipity, is taken over by ill-minded demons. In one terrifying moment, Regan is masturbating with a giant crucifix shouting the famous line "Let Jesus fuck you" over and over. Perhaps calling it masturbation would be to sugarcoat it a bit. This is more of a violent act causing severe damage to her down under parts. When interrupted in her most joyous and intimate moment, she forces her mother's face into her messed up blood soaked genitals (thankfully, nothing explicit is shown though!) screaming "Lick me! Lick me!". Not only is it a weird scary moment but it also pretty much sums up my view on Christianity. Good job.
Key Players: Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn
Much like Kubrick's The Shining, The Exorcist is a slow creeping unsettling affair dealing with possessed people doing weird shit. In The Exorcist we follow young girl Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair) and her mother (Ellen Burstyn), when the daughter, by serendipity, is taken over by ill-minded demons. In one terrifying moment, Regan is masturbating with a giant crucifix shouting the famous line "Let Jesus fuck you" over and over. Perhaps calling it masturbation would be to sugarcoat it a bit. This is more of a violent act causing severe damage to her down under parts. When interrupted in her most joyous and intimate moment, she forces her mother's face into her messed up blood soaked genitals (thankfully, nothing explicit is shown though!) screaming "Lick me! Lick me!". Not only is it a weird scary moment but it also pretty much sums up my view on Christianity. Good job.
#23 The Three Musketeers: Dungeon of lard
Director: Stephen Herek
Key Players: Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, Chris O'Donnel
The thing I remember the most from this childhood favorite, is when the musketeers raid the king and queen's castle in the end (sacrifice your life for your king? What a ludicrous idea!) and the battle with the fat keeper of prisoners and said piece of lard being impaled on one of his very own torturing devices. Who could have seen that coming?! In retrospect, The Three Musketeers would mark a professional highlight for many of the included players: Chris O'Donnel has as of yet, not made a movie that surpasses The Three Musketeers; Charlie Sheen married Denise Richards; Kiefer Sutherland found minor fame chasing Russians, Muslims and corrupt politicians and Oliver Platt had a short but amusing stint on The West Wing. Director Stephen Herek went on to make such classics as Holy Man and Man of the House. Good going everyone!
Key Players: Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, Chris O'Donnel
The thing I remember the most from this childhood favorite, is when the musketeers raid the king and queen's castle in the end (sacrifice your life for your king? What a ludicrous idea!) and the battle with the fat keeper of prisoners and said piece of lard being impaled on one of his very own torturing devices. Who could have seen that coming?! In retrospect, The Three Musketeers would mark a professional highlight for many of the included players: Chris O'Donnel has as of yet, not made a movie that surpasses The Three Musketeers; Charlie Sheen married Denise Richards; Kiefer Sutherland found minor fame chasing Russians, Muslims and corrupt politicians and Oliver Platt had a short but amusing stint on The West Wing. Director Stephen Herek went on to make such classics as Holy Man and Man of the House. Good going everyone!
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