#16 The Cottage: (Blank)

Director: Who cares
Genre: "Horror"/"Comedy"
Key Players: Andy Serkis, Jennifer Ellison

If you believe the quotes on the cover, The Cottage should be, if accurate: gory, dark and hilarious. A horrorfest and a treat. A new Shaun Of The Dead if you will. Sure, comparing it with Shaun (now a cult classic), well that's aiming a bit high, but in the end, a good horror comedy nonetheless. Wrong. Let me tell you what The Cottage lacks: horror, gore and comedy. All the things you are promised. Also, when starring frequent British glamor model/tabloid princess (she can now add horrible actress to her resume) Jennifer Ellison, you'd at least expect some kind of flesh. Eaten or otherwise. But no. Pretty disappointing for a movie of this kind. Nothing here either stands out or strikes me as even worthy of a mention. In the spirit of Seinfeld's classic Soup Nazi: No moment for you!

#15 Private Parts: Radiogasm

Director: Betty Thomas
Genre: Comedy
Key Players: Howard Stern, a speaker, a phone, random half-naked lady

From the very beginning, Howard Stern has been pushing the limits for what can be said and done while on the radio. With his frequent use of foul language, politically incorrect opinions and explicit situations, often involving naked ladies in some shape or form, people usually go batshit crazy whenever he open his mouth. Let's face it, the man is used to controversy. So considering the nature of his work, you can expect there to be plenty of outstanding moments to chose from. So, with the purpose to upset, humiliate and provoke (like always) he makes a woman orgasm by playing a deep bass sound, while straddling her speaker. On the air. Pretty questionable but remains one of those moments you'll remember.

#14 Inglourious Basterds: Operation Kino

Director: Quentin Tarantino
Genre: War/Thriller
Key Players: Michael Fassbender, Diane Kruger, Til Schweiger, August Diehl

Fresh in mind, I thought it only appropriate to say a few words about Tarantino's most recent cinematic outing, the sprawling WWII epic Inglourious Basterds. But where to start? What to chose? It would be an understatement to say that it is difficult to just pick one glorious (or in this case, an inglourious, haha, lame) moment from a movie, which basically consists of one awesome moment after another. To pick just one moment from a movie such as Inglourious Basterds, well, that's fucking hard as fuck.
For a while I was thinking of going with the Hugo Stiglitz rock n' roll introduction (it's so left-field and unexpected, in a sort of expected Tarantino way, but at the same time, it isn't) but once consorting with myself, I settled on the tavern shootout instead. Well, there's more talking than shooting actually, but the looooong parts of dialogue that proceeds it, is perhaps some of Tarantino's best work: joyful, snappy and suspenseful. It's fantastic. The whole thing is put to an end with an extremely violent and quick shoot out with lots of carnage and other disturbances. Bravo.

#13 Speed: It's a plane, it's a bird, it's a...bus?!

Director: Jan de Bont
Genre: Action
Key Players: Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, a magical bus

What does one think of when asked to ponder the greatness that is Speed? Keanu's energetic, as well as charismatic, police cop Jack Traven? Perhaps Dennis Hopper losing his head in the commute? Or maybe it's the accidental blink-and-you-will-miss-it-upskirt that takes place during a brave elevator rescue mission? Three valid choices indeed. But none of them compare the slightest to a gravity defying magical rocket bus! Yes, the jump. The jump to end all other jumps. It's stupid, dumb and defies pretty much all laws of physics, reasoning and logic. Kind of like God. The difference? I enjoy the crazy bus jump. Not God. Because he's a douche. And doesn't exist. There you have it. End of debate.

#12 Boogie Nights: The dong show

Director: Paul Thomas Anderson
Genre: Drama

Key Players: Marky Mark

Paul Thomas Anderson first rose to fame in the late 90's with his grand tale of a well-hung youngster that embarks on this amazing, spiritual journey, chasing the American dream...by screwing in-front of the camera.

Loosely based on the tragic existence of real porn legend John Holmes, Boogie Nights is a pretty dark piece filled with intense human drama, but also, hope and actually some funny moments, in a bizarre weird way. And best of all, there's porn. But, not porn porn. But porn, seen through the eyes of an extremely accomplished filmmaker (perhaps the best of his time?). As well as Holmes, Wahlberg's Dirk Diggler is sporting a giant trunk in his trousers, and although it is a fake in this case, it is shown in all it's glory for a brief moment at the end, and it all makes sense.

#11 Way Of The Gun: Mouth off

Director: Christopher McQuarrie
Genre: Action

Key Players: Ryan Phillippe (Parker), Sarah Silverman (Raving Bitch), Paul Angel Flores (Bar Patron = nobody!)

Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car!

Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass off the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass!

Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!

Raving Bitch: You're gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend's gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he's fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I'm gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads!

Bar Patron: Go ahead.

Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He's gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He's not even gay but he'll do it just to fuck...

Bar Patron: Honey honey. She's got a big mouth but she's not kidding. I'm gonna whip you silly and I'm gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours. (BRAWL)

I rest my case.