#19 Beowulf: Beooowuuuuuulf!!!

Director: Robert Zemeckis
Genre: Fantasy/Animation/Action/Lame
Key Players: Ray Winstone, giant sea creature

With the right amount of playfulness Beowulf could have been an over-the-top action fest. An animated Conan The Barbarian if you will. But entertaining. Instead it turned out to be a piece of crap filled with clunky dialogue and poor mocap. It's so dull and moves along at such a slow pace, that when he actually kills something, you don't even care! The only redeeming moment (and this is how the movie should have been all the way through) though, is a quick skirmish between Beowulf and a terrifying monster of the sea, ending with Beowulf erupting through the monster's eye, covered in blood and gore (at least that's how I like to remember it), screaming his name, like any great hero would. Pretty immense. But this is about a five second long sequence and given the length of the film, this alone does not save it from being a meaningless waste of time. It seems the only thing that could have saved this movie, would have been if Angelina Jolie (as a golden Grendel) would lie spread eagle in her dank cave where she resides. No such luck.

Beeeeocrap!

#18 Blazing Saddles: Tumbledown

Director: Mel Brooks
Genre: Comedy
Key Players: Cleavon Little, Gene Wilder, Harvey Korman

For me, growing up in a home with the likes of Peter Sellers and Monty Python, seeing Mel Brooks' classic western satire Blazing Saddles, were, even at an early age, nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, I didn't get all the gags and the comedic subtleties. But entertaining nonetheless. It's so weird and it's aware of itself being weird. And this becomes so clear in the end with it's off the chart wacko ending. While the good guy's are throwing down fisticuffs with the baddies, they accidentally tumble though the wall of their set to a totally different studio, where they are shooting a totally different film. And this goes on. For quite some time. And the brawl just keeps on growing and getting bigger, more and more people getting involved. It all ends with our hero and villain watching themselves on the big screen, in real time. It's so bizarre and brilliant it has got to be one of the craziest endings ever put on film. Hilarious.

#17 Spider-man 2: Birth of the octopus

Director: Sam Raimi
Genre: Action/Superhero
Key Players: Alfred Molina

Until The Dark Knight broke loose in the summer of 2008, Spider-man 2 was regarded as the biggest (and perhaps the best?) thing around, within the comic book movie industry that is. So even though the franchise came crashing down with it's third installment (too many villains and weirdo segments!), Spider-man 2 delivered some pretty cool moments (the train-run-amok fight sequence for one), but the birthing of Doctor Octopus, and the series so far best villain, is classic Raimi. Shot in a style that breathes his old and revered horror films (the Evil Dead series), this particular scene is so unexpected and raw (for a child/youth oriented type movie at least) it's a no-brainer really when it comes down to singling out a particular moment. Pretty good movie as well.

#16 The Cottage: (Blank)

Director: Who cares
Genre: "Horror"/"Comedy"
Key Players: Andy Serkis, Jennifer Ellison

If you believe the quotes on the cover, The Cottage should be, if accurate: gory, dark and hilarious. A horrorfest and a treat. A new Shaun Of The Dead if you will. Sure, comparing it with Shaun (now a cult classic), well that's aiming a bit high, but in the end, a good horror comedy nonetheless. Wrong. Let me tell you what The Cottage lacks: horror, gore and comedy. All the things you are promised. Also, when starring frequent British glamor model/tabloid princess (she can now add horrible actress to her resume) Jennifer Ellison, you'd at least expect some kind of flesh. Eaten or otherwise. But no. Pretty disappointing for a movie of this kind. Nothing here either stands out or strikes me as even worthy of a mention. In the spirit of Seinfeld's classic Soup Nazi: No moment for you!

#15 Private Parts: Radiogasm

Director: Betty Thomas
Genre: Comedy
Key Players: Howard Stern, a speaker, a phone, random half-naked lady

From the very beginning, Howard Stern has been pushing the limits for what can be said and done while on the radio. With his frequent use of foul language, politically incorrect opinions and explicit situations, often involving naked ladies in some shape or form, people usually go batshit crazy whenever he open his mouth. Let's face it, the man is used to controversy. So considering the nature of his work, you can expect there to be plenty of outstanding moments to chose from. So, with the purpose to upset, humiliate and provoke (like always) he makes a woman orgasm by playing a deep bass sound, while straddling her speaker. On the air. Pretty questionable but remains one of those moments you'll remember.

#14 Inglourious Basterds: Operation Kino

Director: Quentin Tarantino
Genre: War/Thriller
Key Players: Michael Fassbender, Diane Kruger, Til Schweiger, August Diehl

Fresh in mind, I thought it only appropriate to say a few words about Tarantino's most recent cinematic outing, the sprawling WWII epic Inglourious Basterds. But where to start? What to chose? It would be an understatement to say that it is difficult to just pick one glorious (or in this case, an inglourious, haha, lame) moment from a movie, which basically consists of one awesome moment after another. To pick just one moment from a movie such as Inglourious Basterds, well, that's fucking hard as fuck.
For a while I was thinking of going with the Hugo Stiglitz rock n' roll introduction (it's so left-field and unexpected, in a sort of expected Tarantino way, but at the same time, it isn't) but once consorting with myself, I settled on the tavern shootout instead. Well, there's more talking than shooting actually, but the looooong parts of dialogue that proceeds it, is perhaps some of Tarantino's best work: joyful, snappy and suspenseful. It's fantastic. The whole thing is put to an end with an extremely violent and quick shoot out with lots of carnage and other disturbances. Bravo.

#13 Speed: It's a plane, it's a bird, it's a...bus?!

Director: Jan de Bont
Genre: Action
Key Players: Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, a magical bus

What does one think of when asked to ponder the greatness that is Speed? Keanu's energetic, as well as charismatic, police cop Jack Traven? Perhaps Dennis Hopper losing his head in the commute? Or maybe it's the accidental blink-and-you-will-miss-it-upskirt that takes place during a brave elevator rescue mission? Three valid choices indeed. But none of them compare the slightest to a gravity defying magical rocket bus! Yes, the jump. The jump to end all other jumps. It's stupid, dumb and defies pretty much all laws of physics, reasoning and logic. Kind of like God. The difference? I enjoy the crazy bus jump. Not God. Because he's a douche. And doesn't exist. There you have it. End of debate.